Most critical and emotional battle in a woman’s life is handling a difficult Partner in a relationship. A question how to handle a difficult partner is really difficult to answer.
“To commit love to a person for five minutes is easy. To commit to love a person for the rest of your life, after you have met them, is a strong commitment. But when you commit to love a person before you meet them and for the rest of your life, you have made the strongest commitment one can make to a relationship.” Reading this makes everyone think about the role we play in a marriage, success or failure. A spouse is one such person who is as important in the relation as you are. A spouse is a person, who has his/her own thoughts, own choices, own behavior and own personality exactly like us; however, when two alike yet very different people have to live with each other then differences, disagreements, arguments etc are bound to take place. One cannot brand a spouse ‘a difficult person’ only because of the above mentioned differences.
People keep on searching for dealing with a difficult spouse, handling a difficult husband, wife not interested in being romantic with husband. Above all, identifying the exact issue of being difficult by the partner is more important.
It is very important for us to know who can be called a ‘Difficult Partner’ or a Difficult husband to be more precise. It is very wrong and impossible to define a ‘Difficult Partner’; however, an extensive research has helped people identify a few traits of a difficult partner so that you can have a better idea on How to handle a difficult partner?. They are:
- A partner who you understand over a period of time is extremely difficult to please or satisfy
- A partner who repeats offensive behavior even after being informed about it
- Is Incorrigible, self centered, can be unfaithful and nagging
- It is almost impossible for a difficult partner to forgive or forget offenses and make your life unbearable
- Sometimes is a slave to some bad habit and even after prolonged persuasion doesn’t feel the need to stop it
- Does everything in their possibility in order to make the relationship boring, tiresome and painful
If you are in a relationship and have been nodding your head and making checks for all or most of the above traits, then there is a possibility that you are also dealing with a ‘Difficult husband’ or difficult partner. It would be very wrong to say that it is impossible to deal with such people and the only way out is to break it or get a divorce. Some of these difficult people may not be very persistent on being so, they are human like us and just not aware that their behavior is difficult and painful to bear with. So, do not jump to conclusions even before you try giving a shot at working with the person and help them change. Just explore the strategies for dealing with the difficult people.
So, what do we do?
How to handle a difficult partner?
Here are a few steps that you might want to try:
Step 1 Analyze why you want to stay in or start a relation with a difficult partner: Life is easier when you have clarity as to why, you plan to continue dealing with a difficult partner? There may be many reasons that is how you were brought up, you may believe that there is no other choice, you may genuinely hope that the person would change for you that there is hope or may be you just believe that it cannot be any better or different. Once you know, why you want to continue then your expectations of the future would be right in front of you.
Step 2 Do not let your emotions play you and end up blaming self for their behavior: It is imperative to know and remember that their behavior has nothing to do with you. It worsens the relation and sometimes for some people it gives more satisfaction and fun to see you blame and suffer. You have dealt with things like this, remember how you dealt with your crying baby? Did you blame yourself for the child crying? You just let them cry it out…that’s exactly what needs to be done in this situation.
Step 3 If you have a disagreement then try your best to De-escalate it or remove yourself from the situation: These situations are not the times for realizations, trying to make them realize they are wrong or bad would not help the situation. The best way to deal with a partner determined to argue about something is maybe agree and say sorry if really you are at fault and if not, disengage from this argument without walking or storming out of the room as that might just aggravate the tension of the moment. Assigning blame or telling them wrong would just hit the wall, so just focus on what can be done to make it right?
Step 4 Confrontation will do you no good and will only complicate the situation: If you are a good observer you would have known by now that confrontation may not work with difficult people. So, assorting to it always is not advisable or suggested. Choose your battles, confronting on trivial matters should be avoided.
Step 5 Time outs, rewards and punishments: Time is very critical in these trials. Ensure that the timing for your discussions, arguments or disagreements is right. It is better to do all those things with a partner who is in the right frame of mind. Even if it means that you call off a possible argument to a better time. It is better to be silent and patient when the spouse is being irrational or difficult. Identify what your spouse positively responds to i.e. punishment or a reward is very helpful. Some people react better to rewards and some to punishments so get this secret out.
Step 6 Make sure that you cut out any person or situation that may re- infuse the wrong behavior: Having people that dismiss your efforts in correcting the situation would just add on to your stressful life. All of us know that surrounded by positive people would help you succeed in your battle.
Step 7 Maintain Control throughout the time: You should gain and maintain control and be aware of everything and retain your control over all important matters like children, finances etc…
It may not be very easy to try all the above mentioned steps on your relationship. It is important that you analyze your situation and try these steps while being patient and there is a tiny ray of hope for situation getting better.
There are certain things that may help you in handling situations a little better. A few tips that you may want to remember at all times are:
Tips on query How to handle a difficult partner?
- Appreciating small efforts made by your partner
- Downplaying the seriousness of the problem until the atmosphere is a little cooler
- Emphasize on the positive aspects than the negatives
- Listening may just help you win the battle half way through
- Humor at the right time help lighten the gravity of the problem
- Reactions of anger, negativity etc would not help the situation
- Expecting overnight change, would be being unrealistic
Warning : An answer to how to handle a difficult partner
If you have invested a lot of time and strength in working with a difficult partner and see no change or no possibility of change, then the best solution is to get some professional help. By approaching professional you may look at it differently or you may understand the gravity of the problem. Sometimes, you may just want a third person to tell that something is just not right and needs to come to an end. Quitting is not an answer always but hopefully you have found some way in your quest on how to handle a difficult partner?