There are good and bad relationships. There are also those that you can’t figure out easily if are good or bad – they seem nice but you suspect they hurt you day by day. One of those is a relationship with a manipulative guy.
Truth be told, we all have the tense to manipulate people. It is in the human nature, and no one can honestly say that he/she was never tempted to do so. But there are some people that have turned manipulation into part of their life. The problem is that the manipulator type is not easy to spot, and that happens because it is difficult to make him out from a smart, capable person, that simply out of his intelligence he just has the leader’s role in a relationship.
How to make out the man manipulator
1. He is a control freak
If you are in a relationship he wants to control everything. More specifically, he wants to control you totally and he knows that the easiest way to do this is to make you lose control – the same time he take it over. He plays with your small and great fears, the sense that you don’t deserve much, that you are not too smart, that you are insecure, that you have anger stored, that you are confused.
2. He makes you feel always that you can’t live up to the circumstances.
Or that you are responsible for every argument you have. But there is no chance that everything is your fault. It is not possible. So, what happens is that he twists things so you take the blame every time. Even when you cry over the pressure he accuses you of playing the “card” of the psychological sympathy.
3. In a relationship with him you have a permanent feeling of guilt and you constantly try to “make up” for something.
The manipulator man can spot every possible guilt you might have, rise it and feed it. And he constantly keeps doing that by accusing you that you don’t care about him, you don’t respect him, you don’t appreciate or deserve him, you don’t trust him, even if it is the other way around.
4. You never know where your relationship is going.
He keeps you alerted all the time, making you fear every minute that he might leave you because you aren’t good enough for him. This game is not that simple though. He sometimes comforts you so you do not leave him.
5. You can never express your dreams or fears to him.
He might listen to what you have to say, and even advice you. But you know that when you will be vulnerable he will use what you have told him against you.
6. You have the constant feeling of anxiety rather than happiness.
And you cannot even understand why.
How to solve the problem
No one is born a manipulator. Men that are manipulators are “trained” by their experiences and usually not by themselves. And this starts in their childhood. They might have been an only child, or a spoiled one. The manipulator might have been that lonely boy that used to play chess (impressive!) with his imaginary friend while on the same time he was observing others. Or on the other hand, he might have been very social, that he learned that to maintain his status he had to manipulate others.
So manipulation is learned and trained. This skill has been gained through study, practice, tests. They were determined about it and wanted to achieve it. And most important, you cannot change it. He either “picked you” because you were the perfect victim or he turned you into one and now you do not have the strength to change.
In other words, the only solution is to leave him. He will always find another victim and you can find someone who doesn’t control you or your emotions.