I felt like sharing my mother’s day real story on this mother’s day. I always heard this saying “A Mother is also born with a Baby”. But never happened to seriously evaluate. In fact I can say, I never paid attention to it. For me little babies were “Cute” but being a Mother changed me entirely as a person. My way of seeing the world changed.
My motherhood journey started when, I became mother at the age of 29. I was already passing through all the experiences of inter caste marriage and now because of age factor we decided to progress with our family. I faced all kinds of emotional surges during pregnancy which made me very weak emotionally.
On 16th of March, 2010 at 8 months and 10 days my baby made me a mother. It was a C section and I could hardly get back to life to know whether it’s a boy or a girl. To my innocence, in half sleepy condition I asked everyone around, “my baby is dark or fair”. A blurred image of my brother was jumping in front of me with a white pillow like baby in his hand. “See your baby, It’s a boy”.
All those great Ph.D owners on motherhood, by now has taken a toll and started giving advice. To be very honest, I became very much afraid of getting closer to my baby. Perhaps, many first time moms might have experienced this fear, experienced by me. I feel it is a beautiful part of motherhood journey. To relieve me of all the stress, my gynecologist specially came to tell me that your baby is the cutest among all the new-born in the last five years. It was a happy shock and I actually wanted him in my hand to feel that cuteness. We named him Daksh.
My mom advised me to sleep close to him and put my hands on him, so that he can feel motherly abode. But my cute little prince was so tender that I was afraid to put my hands on him, while sleeping. The feeling of fright, to up bring a baby was taking a back step each day and mother in me was learning motherhood at every instance with him. I still remember the development of sign language between both of us. I was getting curious each day whether my baby is actually bonding with me properly. It was because my parents got too much attached to Daksh and he was reacting more to my dad, compared to me. He showed his first sign of bonding with me was, when he was 6 months. I can never forget that fair, white, bulky bunny raising his hands to show me that he wanted me.
I can say it is a very gradual process of being a mother. I actually can’t say that you change as a human, but definitely I changed. I was super sophisticated kid of my family, who had never taken a broom in her hand. My uncle fondly asked me “Now, how does it feel to clean potty of your kid”. and I said “Fantastic”. Laughing at this point, but yes I kept aside all my ego, the pride of being myself and only became a mom.
I was working by this time and trying to manage office, home and my baby. One fine day, I was cooking with laptop on the side table to complete office work and Daksh was playing by my side. Within a fraction of second, he tried to climb TV case fell from it and was blood shred. Already, I was living with a guilt that I am spending my babies childhood days to earn some money and make someone else rich. These are the moments which can never be brought back. How can I, being a mother miss his first walk, his first speech. I always felt that he does not know God, but the person whom he identifies as his sole hide out, is his Mother. I decided to quit job and stay with him forever, completely with him.
3 years have passed by now. Leaving job is not an easy task. Our society has complete different approach towards the woman who earns, have position and the one, who are Only Mothers. There was all the time a conflict in my mind of losing my identity and again asking myself what is more important to me. Time passed and now I don’t regret my decision to leave the job. Today when I see any kid, an emotional stream runs in me. I can put my hand on any babies head, may he/she be of any caste, creed, color, race or breed. Today what matters to me is human emotions as I have started relating to it. To be close to a kid, makes you close to the heavenly. I have achieved that spiritual happiness which I would have never got, running after money or achieving any position in career. Thank you Daksh for making me your mom, my bundle of joy. I would suggest all mothers to enjoy motherhood and the motherhood journey. This is my mother’s day real story.